Turkey bacon is neither turkey nor bacon. It’s just sad—sad
for all parties involved in the injustice.
And sad is exactly how the yard panda felt when the veterinarian did a
double-take at the numbers on the scale. No, the yard panda is not a normal
sized spaniel, and, yes, he’s well aware of it. But the suggestion of a calorie
restricted diet including a “bacon substitute” was, to the yard panda’s
thinking, akin to malpractice. The day grew a little darker, the scents that
filled the room became flat, and the finely honed pork-palate that all YP’s are
born with became plagued by a dry, pasty film at the thought of life without real
bacon. It was the Dentabone incident all over again. Yet just because a Dentabone
is thrown on the floor, one doesn’t have to chew it. Turkey bacon is another
matter. It’s turkey; and turkey is
delicious, but it should never be made into bacon. The YP silently cursed the veterinarian
and his dedication to the dog breed standardization chart, as well as the
delusional poultry farmer who thought that turkey bacon was a good idea. It’s
not.
On a brighter note, the yard panda's not above begging for food he believes in...
and he strongly believes in bacon.
Darci! You are hilarious.
ReplyDelete"...akin to malpractice..." LOL.
I know, right? He's so melodramatic when it comes to good books and bacon;-) Oh, and he can't wait for his own copy of Operation Cool! He's offered to review it for you if you like. A bribe of bacon is always appreciated;-)
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