A Yard Panda's Musings on the Economy

When he saw that his morning plate of One Eyed Sailors was suspiciously void of bacon, the yard panda cursed the economy and secretly wished that his owner would just put away the pen and get a "real job".  It's all fun and games until somebody loses their bacon.

Where do Yard Pandas come from?

People ask me all the time, "Where do yard pandas come from, and how can I get one?"  Yard pandas are a literary breed of semi-aquatic mammals that float in lakes, drink coffee, read Scottish historical fiction, and live on a diet of bacon.  If you want to catch one all you have to do is go down to the water's edge early in the morning with a good book (YP's recommend anything written by Darci Hannah) and a cup of coffee.  Then keep reading until a yard panda appears.  It may take years, but it's well worth the effort... and hey, you'll read a lot of books.

Yard Panda, the real inspiration behind Brave?

Every once in a while I see a movie that sparks my interest, and this year it was Brave, the new Disney Pixar movie. Being an author of Scottish historical/adventure fiction this was the one summer movie that seemed right up my alley, or so I had thought. Truthfully, all I really knew about it was from the little I could glean by watching the vague movie trailer. For instance, I knew that it was set in the Highlands of medieval Scotland, at a castle, and the main character, aside from being handy with a bow, had really awesome ginger hair. This was all I knew, but it was enough to get me to buy the tickets...

Now, I'm not a movie critique so I won't bore you with what I thought of the story.  I will say that the animation was AMAZING!  The audience is instantly transported to a mystical Scotland of the past and further charmed by lilting Scottish accents and breathtaking scenery. And then Angus, the main character's Clydesdale horse, prances onto the screen.  Angus stole my heart the moment he appeared but I couldn't figure out why...until I went home. There I was greeted by my own devoted, silky-coated, overly fluffy, black-and-white familiar, namely Barkley the yard panda.  And then it hit me: the striking similarity between Merida's horse and my dog.  Now, Barkley is neither a panda nor a horse.  He's a bacon loving spaniel of low motivation. Yet beneath the silky ribbons of fur and the extra layers of chunk lives a quiet nobility, and a level of devotion that's truly humbling.  It's that I'd follow you anywhere--even through the dreaded standing stones mentality that tugs at the heart-strings.  In return for this devotion all that's required is a little love, and, in the YP's case, a little bacon as well.  Where else can you find such a bargain these days?

I cannot say whether or not the yard panda was the inspiration for Angus, but for me there's no question.  If the yard panda was a horse he'd be a silky-coated Clydesdale. I can picture him now, galloping through the high moors of Scotland, kicking up clods of heather as he makes a beeline straight for the smokehouse... and the bacon. Truly, Brave was not the best movie I've ever seen, but because of Angus and his uncanny resemblance to this author's favorite pooch it's become my favorite summer movie of 2012.

Yard Pandas float but can they swim?

Rare archival footage of a yard panda swimming in open water. While YP's are naturally buoyant, scientists believe such a vigorous activity as swimming is a fluke and that the YP was tricked into believing the stick was, in fact, a giant piece of bacon.