Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Turkey Bacon

Turkey bacon is neither turkey nor bacon. It’s just sad—sad for all parties involved in the injustice.  And sad is exactly how the yard panda felt when the veterinarian did a double-take at the numbers on the scale. No, the yard panda is not a normal sized spaniel, and, yes, he’s well aware of it. But the suggestion of a calorie restricted diet including a “bacon substitute” was, to the yard panda’s thinking, akin to malpractice. The day grew a little darker, the scents that filled the room became flat, and the finely honed pork-palate that all YP’s are born with became plagued by a dry, pasty film at the thought of life without real bacon. It was the Dentabone incident all over again. Yet just because a Dentabone is thrown on the floor, one doesn’t have to chew it. Turkey bacon is another matter.  It’s turkey; and turkey is delicious, but it should never be made into bacon. The YP silently cursed the veterinarian and his dedication to the dog breed standardization chart, as well as the delusional poultry farmer who thought that turkey bacon was a good idea. It’s not. 

 On a brighter note, the yard panda's not above begging for food he believes in...  
and he strongly believes in bacon.


  1. Darci! You are hilarious.

    "...akin to malpractice..." LOL.

    1. I know, right? He's so melodramatic when it comes to good books and bacon;-) Oh, and he can't wait for his own copy of Operation Cool! He's offered to review it for you if you like. A bribe of bacon is always appreciated;-)